


Holding Back the Tears

by highlytrainedfangirl



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 05:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6942109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highlytrainedfangirl/pseuds/highlytrainedfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Headcanon- as soon as the screen cuts to black in TRF Sherlock finally breaks down in tears, allowing himself to express emotion for the first time since he was a child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding Back the Tears

Emotions hurt. Sherlock had learnt that when he was young and from then on forced himself to never feel. He couldn't risk the pain ever again.  
First it had been Redbeard. After losing his beloved companion as a child he was flooded with tears. He learnt that emotions hurt so much more than physical pain. So he stopped it.  
To avoid physically injuring yourself you take certain precautions, like wearing a helmet when riding a bike. It was this logic that his child mind had used. The most logical thing to do was to protect himself against emotion. He blocked out everyone. After all, as his brother so often told him, _caring is not an advantage_.  
Not feeling was much more difficult than Sherlock had anticipated. Over time he was able to make a compromise. He pushed away everyone, never allowing himself to become close. For those select few who did manage to edge their way into his heart he wore a mask. He cloaked any emotion he did feel, not allowing it to surface. He thought that maybe if he hid behind the mask long enough it could stop him from feeling at all.  
Then he met John Watson. John came crashing through every single wall he had built around himself. Those sturdy structures crumbled beneath the touch of the army doctor.  
Now, watching silently as John mourned him by his graveside, the last part fell . John chipped away at the final layer of his mask.  
For the first time since he was a child Sherlock let himself be open. As John walked away and left his graveside empty, Sherlock let the tears wash over him once more.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at the same time as Falling Apart but couldn't quite get the two pieces to fit together. Even though they're both pretty short separately I think they work better this way.


End file.
